a reminder for self

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life  

breathe again

(trigger warning: suicide, self harm, abuse) Amidst feeling some existential angst, my friend died of an overdose on 1/9/17.  Things started to decline then. The path that had been cobbled before me brought me to this perfect zenith. It was here that I was able to feel all of the pain and trauma that I…

sober

i couldn’t stand your touch when i was sober remembering what the lips that kissed mine said the hands that threw the mug are caressing me touch. penetrate. brown, preferably. kissless. moans; pity-filled. you have no idea. life’s too clear when you’re sober.

Fracture

With each passing day I find myself more amazed by the ways in which the brain protects itself. As a result of my childhood traumas, I have developed an insanely effective and diverse cache of defense mechanisms. I feared being abused or otherwise hurt so I tried to be very agreeable. I found what brought…

What do you accept?

Self-pity is something that I’m trying to be mindful of when I start reflecting. There are some things that I have to remember. For example, yes, I tried my best and gave too much but that doesn’t mean that is enough to change how someone treats you. A person will treat you how they want….

4:44

I still remember how I felt when I initially listened to the first sixty seconds of 4:44. That sample from Hannah Williams and The Affirmations gave me goosebumps. I restarted it several times before allowing it to play through. I bopped by head along with the track, my face scrunched up. That shit sounded so…