trace

  My childhood is a Topic. It’s interesting how everyone else experienced that time. Then there is how I experienced this time. As a young child, no one really tried to talk to me about anything so I spent a lot of time alone with my own thoughts. I spent a lot of time alone,…

in the dark

Science says that alcohol thins your blood. They’re not lying. I have a vivid image of my bathroom tiles smeared with blood. I didn’t expect to see that much. It wasn’t alarming or anything. I don’t think I’d ever seen that much blood before. He helped clean it up. I remember feeling joy that he…

breathe again

(trigger warning: suicide, self harm, abuse) Amidst feeling some existential angst, my friend died of an overdose on 1/9/17.  Things started to decline then. The path that had been cobbled before me brought me to this perfect zenith. It was here that I was able to feel all of the pain and trauma that I…

Sharp Objects

The bathroom filled with fog and I turned on my music  before I stepped into the shower. High as Hope began to play. I sang along while I lathered my body. I hummed along to Sky Full of Song and then I paused when I found myself staring at my scars. I thought I was…

sober

i couldn’t stand your touch when i was sober remembering what the lips that kissed mine said the hands that threw the mug are caressing me touch. penetrate. brown, preferably. kissless. moans; pity-filled. you have no idea. life’s too clear when you’re sober.

Fracture

With each passing day I find myself more amazed by the ways in which the brain protects itself. As a result of my childhood traumas, I have developed an insanely effective and diverse cache of defense mechanisms. I feared being abused or otherwise hurt so I tried to be very agreeable. I found what brought…